You said.

image

Words from a former lover.
A Christmas-turned-break-up gift.

Then, I uttered Popoy’s famous line
“…and you chose to break my heart.”

Advertisements

On suicide.

I’ve been thinking about “cutting” lately.

I don’t know why.

Maybe not. It could probably the withdrawal thing. Or quarter-life crisis. Or exhaustion. Or it could be just me overthinking about my miserable life, being stuck in the situation, that my youth is taking its toll.

Then, rationalizing it. If I quit now because I’m tired, how sure is it that I won’t be tired on the next lifetime. If I’m losing hope, then hoping that there would be another better place for me, so there is still hope? And if I try now, what if life plays tricks on my evil plans; instead of getting to the end, I get endless hospital bills, and never-ending talks from friends and relatives and some people I don’t know who don’t really care, yet acting like they’ve been with you all your life.

Questions over the will.

I take step away from the ledge.

In another day, when I’m done asking, then I’ll be done.

Wala.

Walang pagkalagyan ang nararamdaman ko.

Maraming samu’t sari pero parang blangko.

Halong liwanag at dilim ng digmaang namumuo sa utak kong lito.

Uusad, o hihinto. Lalapit, o lalayo.

Walang sagot sa tanong kung bakit

Kung paano mawawala’y isang pasakit.

Bitbit ang mga alaalang hindi na dapat balikan.

Pag-ibig, pag-asa, kinabukasang sinukuan.

Walang pagkalagyan ang kwento minsan kong pinilit kalimutan.

Sa sulok ba ng kalawan, o tangan hanggang huling hantungan.

Didiktahan ang pusong para sa paghinga’y lumalaban.

O iiwas na lang sa kahihiyan ng kabiguan.

Walang hantungan, at hangganan.

Walang tahanan at kalungan.

Mamaalam sa pangakong binitawan.

Sumuko na ang puso, isip at katawan.

Ms. Scissorhands

That moment you ended your first piece, I knew, you’re broken. She broke you into pieces.

You seem whole and fixed when you show that smile to everyone.

You seem so strong, so firm to your beliefs, yet we both know you’re struggling.

I’m not Superman. I’m not your knight in shining armor. I’m not an angel who can carry you under its wings.

I can’t save you from distress.

 

That moment you touched me, I knew, you’re broken, shattered, lonely…

You’re naked on paper yet you hide behind your words. Words so strong, so intimidating.

You’re not used to standing in front of us yet you fit the stage so well, burning with passion, stunning.

I’m not romanticizing anything. I won’t give you sugarcoated shit and honey. I can’t give you morphine to shut you off.

I can’t show you a shining, shimmering, splendid world.

 

That moment I saw your scars, I knew what I wanted.

Yes, they have healed as you move on, wake up every day just like yesterday, trying to keep the norms.

Then you told me the story how you got them. I wanted to hear some more but I knew it would just make those scars bleed again.

 

I tell you Ms. Scissorhands, this is what I’ve always been thinking of.

I want to take your hand, and walk with you in this miserable planet of misfortunes.

I want to wrap my arms around you just enough to keep you warm and let you breathe.

I want to cook soup in your kitchen after an overwhelming night of wines and spirits.

I want to keep track of your daily routine to make you feel, at least, that there’s someone who cares, that you, darling, are not alone,

that you don’t have to beg for bandaids anymore because I am here.

17 Things To Actually Try This Year (Instead Of Just Talking About Them)

Thought Catalog

1. Tell someone how you really feel, whether it’s good, bad, unpopular or ugly. Be polite, be tactical, but be honest. Stop discussing your true thoughts with everyone except the one person who needs to hear them.

2. Cut your hair the way you’ve always wanted to. Do that one thing you’ve always toyed with the idea of but were too nervous to try. At best, it will make you feel more “you” than ever before, and at worst, it will grow back anyway.

3. Get in a car and drive until you’re lost. Explore there.

4. Buy something from a store you always gawk at online. The balance to strike is finding something that is simultaneously of good quality but uniquely fits you and your lifestyle as well. Save up for it if you need to, but work toward that goal – reaching it will be unbelievably sweet.

5. Re-visit all of your old favorite…

View original post 662 more words

It’s not love at first sight.
It wasn’t even close to falling.
But from my peripherals, I know, you have this something.
Something so irresistable, it pulls me every time I capture a glimpse.
This something like cheese on pies.
Sprinkles on cupcakes
Cream on tarts
coats on sugar cones.

It’s not love at first sight.
You’re just one of those girls I can dismiss.
But every moment you pass by,
that sweet scent of spring draws me closer
like a moth to a candle flame.
the smell of morning dew
that wakes my innermost monster,
growling and howling,
wanting to escape.

It’s not love at first sight.
I don’t want to look at you that way.
It’s not love. I’m just fascinated.
Amused. Amazed. Mesmerized.

It’s not love at first sight.
But I’d love to see you each morning I wake up.
From sun rise to the break of dawn.

Dear You,

I never knew you’d come too early. You broke the anticipation of a better coexistence. Or is it really you? Or are you just a shadow of her?

I don’t know the answer yet. I hope I could get some answers.

It was too soon.

Destiny’s too playful. Are you? Are you not?

I don’t know. But I like you. It’s always been you. Not her. But you.

But I find myself in the character of a nutcrack, an empty piece of shell, an empty can.

I’m just a piece of something, if not nothing.

I’m not giving up. This fight is not over. NO. I won’t give up.

I know it’s not yet love. not yet… I wish not to fall, just yet. not yet.

I wish to see you again.

With hope,

Me.

The rhythm I used to know.

Everyday I’m drowning in tears, questioning, doubting, thinking…

I know I have to stop. I need to stop.

This is not me. I am not the person you used to love.

 

I was blinded by the world’s melodramatic non-sense.

I have to go back to where I started.